Tuesday, November 18, 2014
Outback/farm photos
This beauty was in my room.. It's dead so it's legs are curled in.. Blech!
Em's Solo Road Trip photos!
Beginning of my road trip..
Beach in GreenHead
Stop for water refill:)
Monday, November 17, 2014
"People think being alone makes you lonely, but being surrounded by the wrong people is the lonliest thing in world-Unknown
I can remember a time when I could not be alone. I mean, could NOT. I rotated between having a boyfriend, or living out of my car and staying at different friends houses (those that know me well will remember those days ) I found it hard. It made me feel sad. I didn't like having to sit with my thoughts, and not be distracted... I needed to be around people, all the time.
While I am working on the farm, I do spend quite a but of time alone. The guys are usually out the door when I get up, but I do see them throughout the day. When I bring them their lunches, or when they call me out to move something for them. (yesterday I spent most of the morning learning to drive the tractors better and moving bins around the paddocks). On Friday Rebekah and the kids come up after school and stay for the weekend. So really..I still have human contact.
This weekend I decided to go on a "Solo Emily Road Trip" in the van. I folded the seats down, grabbed my sleeping bag and some clothes, and off I went. The radio in the van doesn't work so I do a LOT of thinking while I drive. (see two posts ago..) I also don't have a/c, so I get very sweaty when I am driving, haha. My destination was obviously the ocean, as I just love being near water. I had been told that there was a cool spot called GreenHead, so that's where I was headed. The drive sun was shining bright and it was an amazing day for driving.
I thought a lot about how nice it would be to have someone with me driving To be able to chat, and talk about all of the cool things along the way, and pretty sights. I stopped to watch a TON of sheep being hearded...honestly I think there were a million...maybe even a billion! (not really, but seriously there were so many sheep I couldn't even believe it.) Then I started thinking how lucky I am, especially in this very moment-alone or not.
I thought about how many times I had been "with people", not alone- but felt very alone. I thought about how many nights I went to sleep beside someone, but felt very sad and alone. I thought about how lucky I was, to be in Australia- to have a vehicle, to be driving in the beautiful sunshine down to the ocean. At that point I didn't feel alone anymore. I felt happy. :)
When I got to GreenHead I just started following little "tourist" roads, most that lead me to the beach. The sand was so white and beautiful. There were a bunch of guys on dirt bikes driving through the sand dunes (that were so white it looked like snow) I stopped whenever I felt like it and took some photos. I had some water in the back so I kept filling up my water bottle with that. (p.s a bottle of water is like 4$ here!! insane!)
I decided to head to Leeman which was about 10K from GreenHead and find some food. I went into this little hole in the wall restaurant (from the outside) but on the inside it was awesome! I was instantly greeted loudly with a "Good Evening Love!" from an Australian woman. She was very kind and I ordered a burger and sat down to wait. The restaurant was full of personality. There were plants everywhere, ad lots of flowers (real and fake). It felt nice and had a lot of personality. She brought over my burger and then gave me the confused look that everyone gives me when I ask for Ketchup (they call it tomato sauce here). I ate my burger and people watched as a group of about 15 people came in. I started to chat with one of the girls (she was from Chilli) and she told me that they were driving back to Perth from a day of working. They were all Stock Tagers, and with her thick accent I couldn't really make sense of what that was but either was she was very sweet to chat with :)
I packaged up the rest of my dinner to eat for breakfast (backpacker problems). The girls told me that I could park my van down by the ocean and that if a Ranger came up at any point (you aren't allowed to just park anywhere- you can get a $200 fine) just to tell them that I was to tired to drive and scared of kangaroos. You are legally allowed to pull over for 24 hours and rest if you feel tired when you are driving. That was some good info that they gave me :)
I saw that the sun was starting to set, so I drive down to the beach to a lookout point to snap some pics. I grabbed a blanket I had in the car as it was a bit chilly and walked up to the lookout. The Sunset was A-MA-ZING! (I will post pics...don't worry) It was a weird feeling to be there alone. It was actually very tranquil. I just thought about how I was grateful for this experience. How lucky I was to be getting to sit and watch this sunset in perfect silence.
Then..I realized that the sun was pretty much down, and I started to get scared of outback wildlife..haha. So I booked it to the van.
At this point it was only 7:30, but I didn't care. I went and parked my van by the ocean. I sent a few pics to mom and people at home of what I had just gotten to see. I made sure all the doors were locked, and I fell asleep :) I actually didn't sleep too bad, considering I was in the back of a van with the seats folded down ;)
The next morning I woke up around 7:00 am. When I looked outside it was Ocean. Beautiful :) Now that's something I love waking up to :)
I also noticed that there were about 5 other vans that had congregated in the parking lot. haha. Great minds think alike :)
I went and got a coffee from the restaurant and then sat down on the beach and drank my coffee. What a way to start a day :)
I decided to drive back to the farm around 1:00pm. I had some stuff I needed to do there, and I am not a huge fan of driving at night. There are a TON of accidents caused my kangaroos out here. Id rather be safe.
On my drive back I was a bit hungry so I decided to turn off in this small town called Eneabba and go to a small spot called Sands Tavern. If my dad has taught me anything it's that some of the best spots are hidden gems :) I was the only one in there when I went in, but it was a very cute spot. The walls were covered in neat stuff like Harley Davidson signs and deer antlers. I ordered a chicken, cheese and pinapple sandwich from Sam, one of the owners. She was very sweet and told me that her husband Jay and her had just taken over the restaurant 9 months ago. They had done a TON of work on it. He told me that there were only 33 people that lived in the town of Eneabba...how crazy is that?!
I had my sandwich and chatted life with them for a bit. He showed me his Harley, and then they invited me back up November 29th for a big party that they are having :) Could be fun, and how convenient that I can just sleep in my van!(best purchase ever!)
They were really cool to talk to and I was so happy I had made the turn to stop in. :)
Basically my "Solo Em Weekend" was a success. As much as I had moments of feeling a bit lonely- I was able to change my thoughts about it so I didn't feel lonely anymore. When you express gratitude, and focus on the good stuff/positive stuff, it doesn't matter if you are alone- you feel GOOD :)
I got back to the farm feeling recharged and ready to take on the week of cooking and tractor driving.
My Resume really expanding....;)
XX
While I am working on the farm, I do spend quite a but of time alone. The guys are usually out the door when I get up, but I do see them throughout the day. When I bring them their lunches, or when they call me out to move something for them. (yesterday I spent most of the morning learning to drive the tractors better and moving bins around the paddocks). On Friday Rebekah and the kids come up after school and stay for the weekend. So really..I still have human contact.
This weekend I decided to go on a "Solo Emily Road Trip" in the van. I folded the seats down, grabbed my sleeping bag and some clothes, and off I went. The radio in the van doesn't work so I do a LOT of thinking while I drive. (see two posts ago..) I also don't have a/c, so I get very sweaty when I am driving, haha. My destination was obviously the ocean, as I just love being near water. I had been told that there was a cool spot called GreenHead, so that's where I was headed. The drive sun was shining bright and it was an amazing day for driving.
I thought a lot about how nice it would be to have someone with me driving To be able to chat, and talk about all of the cool things along the way, and pretty sights. I stopped to watch a TON of sheep being hearded...honestly I think there were a million...maybe even a billion! (not really, but seriously there were so many sheep I couldn't even believe it.) Then I started thinking how lucky I am, especially in this very moment-alone or not.
I thought about how many times I had been "with people", not alone- but felt very alone. I thought about how many nights I went to sleep beside someone, but felt very sad and alone. I thought about how lucky I was, to be in Australia- to have a vehicle, to be driving in the beautiful sunshine down to the ocean. At that point I didn't feel alone anymore. I felt happy. :)
When I got to GreenHead I just started following little "tourist" roads, most that lead me to the beach. The sand was so white and beautiful. There were a bunch of guys on dirt bikes driving through the sand dunes (that were so white it looked like snow) I stopped whenever I felt like it and took some photos. I had some water in the back so I kept filling up my water bottle with that. (p.s a bottle of water is like 4$ here!! insane!)
I decided to head to Leeman which was about 10K from GreenHead and find some food. I went into this little hole in the wall restaurant (from the outside) but on the inside it was awesome! I was instantly greeted loudly with a "Good Evening Love!" from an Australian woman. She was very kind and I ordered a burger and sat down to wait. The restaurant was full of personality. There were plants everywhere, ad lots of flowers (real and fake). It felt nice and had a lot of personality. She brought over my burger and then gave me the confused look that everyone gives me when I ask for Ketchup (they call it tomato sauce here). I ate my burger and people watched as a group of about 15 people came in. I started to chat with one of the girls (she was from Chilli) and she told me that they were driving back to Perth from a day of working. They were all Stock Tagers, and with her thick accent I couldn't really make sense of what that was but either was she was very sweet to chat with :)
I packaged up the rest of my dinner to eat for breakfast (backpacker problems). The girls told me that I could park my van down by the ocean and that if a Ranger came up at any point (you aren't allowed to just park anywhere- you can get a $200 fine) just to tell them that I was to tired to drive and scared of kangaroos. You are legally allowed to pull over for 24 hours and rest if you feel tired when you are driving. That was some good info that they gave me :)
I saw that the sun was starting to set, so I drive down to the beach to a lookout point to snap some pics. I grabbed a blanket I had in the car as it was a bit chilly and walked up to the lookout. The Sunset was A-MA-ZING! (I will post pics...don't worry) It was a weird feeling to be there alone. It was actually very tranquil. I just thought about how I was grateful for this experience. How lucky I was to be getting to sit and watch this sunset in perfect silence.
Then..I realized that the sun was pretty much down, and I started to get scared of outback wildlife..haha. So I booked it to the van.
At this point it was only 7:30, but I didn't care. I went and parked my van by the ocean. I sent a few pics to mom and people at home of what I had just gotten to see. I made sure all the doors were locked, and I fell asleep :) I actually didn't sleep too bad, considering I was in the back of a van with the seats folded down ;)
The next morning I woke up around 7:00 am. When I looked outside it was Ocean. Beautiful :) Now that's something I love waking up to :)
I also noticed that there were about 5 other vans that had congregated in the parking lot. haha. Great minds think alike :)
I went and got a coffee from the restaurant and then sat down on the beach and drank my coffee. What a way to start a day :)
I decided to drive back to the farm around 1:00pm. I had some stuff I needed to do there, and I am not a huge fan of driving at night. There are a TON of accidents caused my kangaroos out here. Id rather be safe.
On my drive back I was a bit hungry so I decided to turn off in this small town called Eneabba and go to a small spot called Sands Tavern. If my dad has taught me anything it's that some of the best spots are hidden gems :) I was the only one in there when I went in, but it was a very cute spot. The walls were covered in neat stuff like Harley Davidson signs and deer antlers. I ordered a chicken, cheese and pinapple sandwich from Sam, one of the owners. She was very sweet and told me that her husband Jay and her had just taken over the restaurant 9 months ago. They had done a TON of work on it. He told me that there were only 33 people that lived in the town of Eneabba...how crazy is that?!
I had my sandwich and chatted life with them for a bit. He showed me his Harley, and then they invited me back up November 29th for a big party that they are having :) Could be fun, and how convenient that I can just sleep in my van!(best purchase ever!)
They were really cool to talk to and I was so happy I had made the turn to stop in. :)
Basically my "Solo Em Weekend" was a success. As much as I had moments of feeling a bit lonely- I was able to change my thoughts about it so I didn't feel lonely anymore. When you express gratitude, and focus on the good stuff/positive stuff, it doesn't matter if you are alone- you feel GOOD :)
I got back to the farm feeling recharged and ready to take on the week of cooking and tractor driving.
My Resume really expanding....;)
XX
Thursday, November 13, 2014
The more comfotable I get with being Uncomfortable, the Faster I Grow...
Feeling Uncomfortable.
Not knowing what you are doing. Now knowing your surroundings. Not having any idea what that person is talking about. Not feeling able to ask a question. Sweating. Shaking a bit. Constantly scanning the area for ANYTHING that would seem familiar. Unsure. Not confident. Doubting. Scared. Wanting to just run away to somewhere safe. Feeling like crying. Nervous.
These are all what comes to my mind when I think of being uncomfortable.
It doesn't matter where it is Can be at a new job. Can be on a date. Could be walking into a movie theatre and there are only 2 seats left and everyone is staring at you. Trying a new sport. Going to a new team or group where everyone knows each other and you are the "newbie" Could even be from giving your order to a good looking waiter or waitress.
But what does it mean when we feel like this?
I personally think there are many answers for this. I think that we are creatures of habit, and we adapt to our surroundings. Once we know where everything is, or we know what we are doing then we know there is less chance of "error" or "screwing up" then our confidence balances out and we tell ourselves we are ok.
I remember my first day at my job as a Sales Assistant at CTV in Calgary. I woke up about 4 hours before I started, to make sure that everything was "perfect" and that I wouldn't be late. I navigated myself to my work using my GPS. (That was uncomfortable- "what if I was late? What if I missed the turn?") I got to the parking lot and sat in my car for about 15 minutes, talking myself the courage into walking into the front door (That was uncomfortable- was I dressed ok? What if I go in the wrong door and set the fire alarm off?) Once I finally got myself out of the car and inside, I had to ask for my boss and then sit in the lobby waiting for him to come get me. (That was uncomfortable-I was even sitting weird..I could feel it I was sweating a bit. What if I suck at this job? What if they don't like me)
I could go on and on...but there is a pattern here. Negative Self Talk.
Let's fast forward to 3 weeks later.
I woke up about 45 minutes before I needed to be at work. Please keep in mind it was a 25 minute drive. Quick shower (thank god for dry shampoo). Coffee...out the door. Jammin to my tunes on the Deerfoot Trail. Pull into the parking lot with 2 minutes to spare. Meh. Boss doesn't really care that much if I am a few minutes late. Run inside yelling "Hey Girl!!" to the receptionist. Chat with a few co-workers on my way to my desk. Start my day.
See the difference?
I was comfortable. I knew my surroundings. I knew the people. But you have to get through that UNCOMFORTABLE stage, to get comfortable. My point is...no one wants to feel uncomfortable. No one likes sweating and feeling awkward (well maybe some people do- so those people should wear black and hang out together)
You have to push though that Uncomfortable feeling to grow. Lots of people don't want to feel that way...so they avoid it. They stay in a job that they hate-because they know what they are doing. They stay in that relationship that doesn't make them happy-because they don't want to have to go through the uncomfortable things that come with dating again and getting to know someone else. They don't try that new sport they are longing to, or take that fitness class- they don't want to "not know what they are doing and feel uncomfortable."
Well guess what..you are only cheating yourself out of an amazing life and amazing experiences.
When I travel I am always out of my comfort zone. I feel uncomfortable almost everyday. ravelling in a foreign country where no one understands what the F you are saying. Going into a new hostel where you don't know anyone is the absolute definition of uncomfortable. At first, I used to hide in my room. I was scared to use the common areas, or go into the kitchen. It was awkward. But I started forcing myself to do it, and guess what. Now it is like second nature for me. I still get awkward sometimes, but I am able to laugh at myself and just embrace it. Honestly..it's all in your head.
Anyways, I hope you can follow this rant :) This is just me putting my thoughts down, and doesn't meant that what I am saying is right. If it resonates-great. If not, then on to the next :)
Do me a favor...go on Netflix, or rent the movie "Yes Man" As much as a lot of it is kind of corny and far fetched, the idea behind it is brilliant.
Love from Aussie Land!!
XO
Not knowing what you are doing. Now knowing your surroundings. Not having any idea what that person is talking about. Not feeling able to ask a question. Sweating. Shaking a bit. Constantly scanning the area for ANYTHING that would seem familiar. Unsure. Not confident. Doubting. Scared. Wanting to just run away to somewhere safe. Feeling like crying. Nervous.
These are all what comes to my mind when I think of being uncomfortable.
It doesn't matter where it is Can be at a new job. Can be on a date. Could be walking into a movie theatre and there are only 2 seats left and everyone is staring at you. Trying a new sport. Going to a new team or group where everyone knows each other and you are the "newbie" Could even be from giving your order to a good looking waiter or waitress.
But what does it mean when we feel like this?
I personally think there are many answers for this. I think that we are creatures of habit, and we adapt to our surroundings. Once we know where everything is, or we know what we are doing then we know there is less chance of "error" or "screwing up" then our confidence balances out and we tell ourselves we are ok.
I remember my first day at my job as a Sales Assistant at CTV in Calgary. I woke up about 4 hours before I started, to make sure that everything was "perfect" and that I wouldn't be late. I navigated myself to my work using my GPS. (That was uncomfortable- "what if I was late? What if I missed the turn?") I got to the parking lot and sat in my car for about 15 minutes, talking myself the courage into walking into the front door (That was uncomfortable- was I dressed ok? What if I go in the wrong door and set the fire alarm off?) Once I finally got myself out of the car and inside, I had to ask for my boss and then sit in the lobby waiting for him to come get me. (That was uncomfortable-I was even sitting weird..I could feel it I was sweating a bit. What if I suck at this job? What if they don't like me)
I could go on and on...but there is a pattern here. Negative Self Talk.
Let's fast forward to 3 weeks later.
I woke up about 45 minutes before I needed to be at work. Please keep in mind it was a 25 minute drive. Quick shower (thank god for dry shampoo). Coffee...out the door. Jammin to my tunes on the Deerfoot Trail. Pull into the parking lot with 2 minutes to spare. Meh. Boss doesn't really care that much if I am a few minutes late. Run inside yelling "Hey Girl!!" to the receptionist. Chat with a few co-workers on my way to my desk. Start my day.
See the difference?
I was comfortable. I knew my surroundings. I knew the people. But you have to get through that UNCOMFORTABLE stage, to get comfortable. My point is...no one wants to feel uncomfortable. No one likes sweating and feeling awkward (well maybe some people do- so those people should wear black and hang out together)
You have to push though that Uncomfortable feeling to grow. Lots of people don't want to feel that way...so they avoid it. They stay in a job that they hate-because they know what they are doing. They stay in that relationship that doesn't make them happy-because they don't want to have to go through the uncomfortable things that come with dating again and getting to know someone else. They don't try that new sport they are longing to, or take that fitness class- they don't want to "not know what they are doing and feel uncomfortable."
Well guess what..you are only cheating yourself out of an amazing life and amazing experiences.
When I travel I am always out of my comfort zone. I feel uncomfortable almost everyday. ravelling in a foreign country where no one understands what the F you are saying. Going into a new hostel where you don't know anyone is the absolute definition of uncomfortable. At first, I used to hide in my room. I was scared to use the common areas, or go into the kitchen. It was awkward. But I started forcing myself to do it, and guess what. Now it is like second nature for me. I still get awkward sometimes, but I am able to laugh at myself and just embrace it. Honestly..it's all in your head.
Anyways, I hope you can follow this rant :) This is just me putting my thoughts down, and doesn't meant that what I am saying is right. If it resonates-great. If not, then on to the next :)
Do me a favor...go on Netflix, or rent the movie "Yes Man" As much as a lot of it is kind of corny and far fetched, the idea behind it is brilliant.
Love from Aussie Land!!
XO
Sunday, November 9, 2014
Today I drove and I thought....
Today is Sunday. Today I decided to leave the farm in my van and drive. I asked one of the guys how to get to the Ocean. I didn't care how far it was, I just wanted to be by the ocean.
Mark showed me a map and it was 2.5 hours there. Great. That is where I am going. On my own. Alone. In my Van.
Today I drove and I thought.
I thought about all the places I have lived. I thought about when I lived in the basement apartment on Holmwood alone, and how lonely I often felt. Not a good lonely, but a lonely that I hated and didn't want to deal with. Then I thought about some of the relationships that I had, and how even though I was in a relationship- I still felt lonely.
Today I drove, and I thought.
I thought about one of the best times in my life. When Jesse and I moved in together. I remember us being so excited, and going in and deciding where we wanted to put all of the furniture, and hang stuff. I remember the nights at work that I would be SO excited driving home, as I knew that Jesse and I would sit on the front porch and drink wine and talk about our days. I loved that apartment. I loved that time. I am so lucky to have had that experience :)
Today I drove and I thought.
I thought about that time when I was about 22, sitting in my room in North Gower. I remember thinking "is this it?" "Is this what my life is supposed to be"? I felt sad. I felt angry. My outlook was negative. I didn't feel I was living my life, I felt I was wasting my life. I felt trapped. I felt confused and lost. I didn't know how I would get myself out of that situation, and my future seemed dark and meaningless.
Today I drove and thought.
I thought about my going away parties. (yes, parties...I know. I go away a lot..haha). I thought about all of the amazing people that show up. I thought about all of my friends, and our group and how lucky we are to have each other. I thought about how supportive we all are to each other, and how when we come together its like this giant "explosion" oh happiness! (happy ending? haha) I thought about how I met each of the girls, and how I feel like we have all came together for a reason, a purpose. How we are kind of like a animal shelter, we just keep collecting new "strays" along the way that just make our group even more amazing :) Everyone is unique and everyone has a story. We move through the path of life together, helping each other with any struggles and challenges that come up, and keeping each other motivated. We act as mirrors for each others on those days when we just don't feel so great about ourselves. We are the lucky ones...that's for sure.
Today I drove and thought.
I thought about family. I thought about how lucky I am to have mine. I thought about how supportive everyone has been and is to me with this adventure I am on. I thought about all of the things I will do for my family one day when I have lots of money. It made me smile. I thought about how proud I am of each of them, and how I love that we always stick together and have each others backs.
Today I drove and thought.
I thought that time that I "died" inside. After that life changing breakup experience, how I "checked out" from reality for a while. That feeling of a huge hole in your heart. You feel like you are paralyzed. You cant eat. You cant sleep. You want that feeling to go away, but you cant see anything in your near future that gives you hope that it will. I remember lying in bed, in the dark at my moms house in Cumberland. I remember Jesse driving out and coming in to bed beside me. She hugged me and I asked her when this hurt was going to go away. She said that "its going to take time-but I promise it will Em". It did.
Today I drove and I thought.
I thought about how blessed I am to be able to drive and think, alone, in my van, in Australia. I thought about all the things I am grateful for. I think in life we tend to forget the "small stuff". We re constantly chasing the big things that will make us happy. We use status and "stuff" to identify who we are. Having lots of things, or a fancy title for your job wont make you happy. We forget that if we go along being grateful for the small things, it will bring you more things o be grateful for. We are like magnets.
It's not everyone's dream to travel. I know that. I am happy with what I am doing. Even though I have barely any stuff, very little money and I am single, I can honestly say that I wake up and start each day happy. I feel happy.
If you aren't waking up each day happy the first step is to figure out why? What is making you unhappy? Is it your job? Is it your relationship? Is it where you live? Is it the friends your surround yourself with? Once you figure out what is making you unhappy, you can always change it. It wont be easy It will be scary as hell. Wandering into the unknown forest is scary as hell...but the chances of there being an amazing rainbow (amazing life) on that other side is high, so it's worth the risk.
This is what happened today....when I drove and thought :)
XO
Mark showed me a map and it was 2.5 hours there. Great. That is where I am going. On my own. Alone. In my Van.
Today I drove and I thought.
I thought about all the places I have lived. I thought about when I lived in the basement apartment on Holmwood alone, and how lonely I often felt. Not a good lonely, but a lonely that I hated and didn't want to deal with. Then I thought about some of the relationships that I had, and how even though I was in a relationship- I still felt lonely.
Today I drove, and I thought.
I thought about one of the best times in my life. When Jesse and I moved in together. I remember us being so excited, and going in and deciding where we wanted to put all of the furniture, and hang stuff. I remember the nights at work that I would be SO excited driving home, as I knew that Jesse and I would sit on the front porch and drink wine and talk about our days. I loved that apartment. I loved that time. I am so lucky to have had that experience :)
Today I drove and I thought.
I thought about that time when I was about 22, sitting in my room in North Gower. I remember thinking "is this it?" "Is this what my life is supposed to be"? I felt sad. I felt angry. My outlook was negative. I didn't feel I was living my life, I felt I was wasting my life. I felt trapped. I felt confused and lost. I didn't know how I would get myself out of that situation, and my future seemed dark and meaningless.
Today I drove and thought.
I thought about my going away parties. (yes, parties...I know. I go away a lot..haha). I thought about all of the amazing people that show up. I thought about all of my friends, and our group and how lucky we are to have each other. I thought about how supportive we all are to each other, and how when we come together its like this giant "explosion" oh happiness! (happy ending? haha) I thought about how I met each of the girls, and how I feel like we have all came together for a reason, a purpose. How we are kind of like a animal shelter, we just keep collecting new "strays" along the way that just make our group even more amazing :) Everyone is unique and everyone has a story. We move through the path of life together, helping each other with any struggles and challenges that come up, and keeping each other motivated. We act as mirrors for each others on those days when we just don't feel so great about ourselves. We are the lucky ones...that's for sure.
Today I drove and thought.
I thought about family. I thought about how lucky I am to have mine. I thought about how supportive everyone has been and is to me with this adventure I am on. I thought about all of the things I will do for my family one day when I have lots of money. It made me smile. I thought about how proud I am of each of them, and how I love that we always stick together and have each others backs.
Today I drove and thought.
I thought that time that I "died" inside. After that life changing breakup experience, how I "checked out" from reality for a while. That feeling of a huge hole in your heart. You feel like you are paralyzed. You cant eat. You cant sleep. You want that feeling to go away, but you cant see anything in your near future that gives you hope that it will. I remember lying in bed, in the dark at my moms house in Cumberland. I remember Jesse driving out and coming in to bed beside me. She hugged me and I asked her when this hurt was going to go away. She said that "its going to take time-but I promise it will Em". It did.
Today I drove and I thought.
I thought about how blessed I am to be able to drive and think, alone, in my van, in Australia. I thought about all the things I am grateful for. I think in life we tend to forget the "small stuff". We re constantly chasing the big things that will make us happy. We use status and "stuff" to identify who we are. Having lots of things, or a fancy title for your job wont make you happy. We forget that if we go along being grateful for the small things, it will bring you more things o be grateful for. We are like magnets.
It's not everyone's dream to travel. I know that. I am happy with what I am doing. Even though I have barely any stuff, very little money and I am single, I can honestly say that I wake up and start each day happy. I feel happy.
If you aren't waking up each day happy the first step is to figure out why? What is making you unhappy? Is it your job? Is it your relationship? Is it where you live? Is it the friends your surround yourself with? Once you figure out what is making you unhappy, you can always change it. It wont be easy It will be scary as hell. Wandering into the unknown forest is scary as hell...but the chances of there being an amazing rainbow (amazing life) on that other side is high, so it's worth the risk.
This is what happened today....when I drove and thought :)
XO
Thursday, November 6, 2014
My Daily Life as a FarmHand :)
So, the job description when I was emailed by Rebekah said "looking for someone to take care of two adults over Harvest".....
I laughed about it with her one night over beers. I said..."You know, I wasn't really sure what this meant. haha. My mind went to a creepy place at first, but because you were female I followed up.
To be honest that was true. When you post an ad on GumTree (equivelant to Kijiji at home) you just never know what you are going to get. I had tow Swedish girls with broken English that were in my room come up to me saying "Emily...what does thus mean?". It was some pervert asking them basically to have sex with him for money. I was like "let me see the ad that you posted!". Their ad title read "TWO YOUNG SWEDISH GIRLS LOOKING FOR ANY KIND OF WORK".
Oh sweet Jesus....
That being said I rewrote their ad for them ad we found a farm for them to go work on. hahaha! That was what you call a "life lesson" for them. LOL
Anyways, ok back to my day. So right now we are working at the farm they call "East Caron". There are 12 small-ish "Paddocks (Fields) that they harvest here. Now usually this only takes them about a week, which is fine. Basically the boys Wayne and Mark sleep in the donger (there is one room and mark sleeps on a bed in the living room aka the open living space) On the weekend the kids and Rebekah come and they all sleep in the room with Wayne. SO this is a VERY small living space and on weekends there are 6 of in there. I sleep outside in the camper trailer is in the shed. Now I am not sure if I have said this already, but there is no bathroom door. Yes, NO BATHROOM DOOR! aka When you pee, poo cough, fart, sneeze, whatever...everyone can hear you. Well that's neat...haha
We are now on week two at this farm....a few things broke and they needed to get parts which set us back. I was told by Wayne that we SHOULD be moving back to Mary Vale Farm on Saturday...fingers crossed! But it will be very nice to have a bed, and especially a bathroom door! :)
ok ok..a.d.d. So here is my day for the past two weeks while out as East Caron Farm don't be TOO jealous..haha);
4:00 am- I usually wake up and have to pee at this time. That is when I have to play Jedi mind tricks to get myself back to sleep. I will only brave the scary dark nature for water apparently...not pee. haha
7:00- Wake up. I'm usually super sweaty because the sun has hit the camper and made it into a sauna
7:05- Head into the "donger" to make myself a coffee. I will often turn on the 1 channel (yes, we get ne channel...again, don't be jealous) which is world news...double yay! haha. I like to have it as background sound while I am performing my "domestic" duties.
7:30- Will usually sit and have my coffee and chat to people back at home. I am now 13 hours ahead of you all...so this is a good time to chat before you all head to bed. Oh wait...I forgot to tell you that there is 1 spot in the donger (yes..only 1 spot) that I can get wifi. So if I sit in this chair and hold my phone at a certain angle, I get wifi.
8:30- I will make the boys their morning tea. I am very glad that I asked Rebekah about this, as I thought it was very classy of these farmer men to partake in a mid morning drink of tea. That is when she told me "No Emily..morning tea is like a snack" oh....they would have been right confused (and hungry) if I showed up with a mug of tea. haha. (tip: if you are confused...ask!!)
I usually make them a grilled cheese or breakfast sandwich.
9:00-Sit in my wifi spot and send a few emails
9:30 I will call Wayne on the two-way to find out which Paddock they are in. Then I will use my trusty Paddock Map to figure out where that is, and then venture out in the Ute to find them.
10:30 - I will start to make their lunch. Usually a wrap filled with meat and other crap that I throw in there. (I am perfecting my sandwich making skills) They each have a lunch box that I will, and then again I call Wayne to see where they are now.
11:00- Bring them their lunches.
11:15-5:00- hmmmmmm........*cricket cricket*. This is time for self reflection haha. If I am bored with my 1 news channel I will often venture outside. This usually lasts about 3 min, as the flies are insannnnnnnnnnnnne!!! They cover you, go in your nose, in your mouth, up your shirt, everywhere!!! I usually last a few minutes of flailing my arms around and swearing, and then its back into the donger...haha (Now you all know why I text you so often!! I need entertainment!!)
5:30 I will start to prepare dinner. Rebekah usually helps me make a meal schedule for the week (which is a-ma-zing) so I will follow that and get my Martha Stewart cooking skills going.
I am actually getting better at cooking. I haven't burned anything yet! WINNING!!
Mark usually comes home around 7 or so. I feed him first and then make Wayne a plate for when he gets back, He stays late driving the header, so I never really know what time he will be back.
8:30 (are you ready for this?) Head out, run to turn off the generator, and then to my camper trailer. Sometimes if I am lucky I will get 1 bar of wifi from the corner of the camper so I can send a text or two. If I am lucky.
Anyways, I am making it sound bad. Its really not. Some days are a challenge, but I am really good at being alone. I remember a time when I was afraid to be alone. I always had to be with someone. I think its good to have that alone time, and really reflect. Sometime I reflect on ways that I can keep the flies off...but that doesn't work. hehe. DAMN FLIES!!
Anyways, we are shifting back to the other farm hopefully Saturday :) The kitties are there.and I have wifi and TV!! AND A BATHROOM DOOR!! Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!
Happy Thursday everyone at home :) Today will be a GREAT day! :)
xo
I laughed about it with her one night over beers. I said..."You know, I wasn't really sure what this meant. haha. My mind went to a creepy place at first, but because you were female I followed up.
To be honest that was true. When you post an ad on GumTree (equivelant to Kijiji at home) you just never know what you are going to get. I had tow Swedish girls with broken English that were in my room come up to me saying "Emily...what does thus mean?". It was some pervert asking them basically to have sex with him for money. I was like "let me see the ad that you posted!". Their ad title read "TWO YOUNG SWEDISH GIRLS LOOKING FOR ANY KIND OF WORK".
Oh sweet Jesus....
That being said I rewrote their ad for them ad we found a farm for them to go work on. hahaha! That was what you call a "life lesson" for them. LOL
Anyways, ok back to my day. So right now we are working at the farm they call "East Caron". There are 12 small-ish "Paddocks (Fields) that they harvest here. Now usually this only takes them about a week, which is fine. Basically the boys Wayne and Mark sleep in the donger (there is one room and mark sleeps on a bed in the living room aka the open living space) On the weekend the kids and Rebekah come and they all sleep in the room with Wayne. SO this is a VERY small living space and on weekends there are 6 of in there. I sleep outside in the camper trailer is in the shed. Now I am not sure if I have said this already, but there is no bathroom door. Yes, NO BATHROOM DOOR! aka When you pee, poo cough, fart, sneeze, whatever...everyone can hear you. Well that's neat...haha
We are now on week two at this farm....a few things broke and they needed to get parts which set us back. I was told by Wayne that we SHOULD be moving back to Mary Vale Farm on Saturday...fingers crossed! But it will be very nice to have a bed, and especially a bathroom door! :)
ok ok..a.d.d. So here is my day for the past two weeks while out as East Caron Farm don't be TOO jealous..haha);
4:00 am- I usually wake up and have to pee at this time. That is when I have to play Jedi mind tricks to get myself back to sleep. I will only brave the scary dark nature for water apparently...not pee. haha
7:00- Wake up. I'm usually super sweaty because the sun has hit the camper and made it into a sauna
7:05- Head into the "donger" to make myself a coffee. I will often turn on the 1 channel (yes, we get ne channel...again, don't be jealous) which is world news...double yay! haha. I like to have it as background sound while I am performing my "domestic" duties.
7:30- Will usually sit and have my coffee and chat to people back at home. I am now 13 hours ahead of you all...so this is a good time to chat before you all head to bed. Oh wait...I forgot to tell you that there is 1 spot in the donger (yes..only 1 spot) that I can get wifi. So if I sit in this chair and hold my phone at a certain angle, I get wifi.
8:30- I will make the boys their morning tea. I am very glad that I asked Rebekah about this, as I thought it was very classy of these farmer men to partake in a mid morning drink of tea. That is when she told me "No Emily..morning tea is like a snack" oh....they would have been right confused (and hungry) if I showed up with a mug of tea. haha. (tip: if you are confused...ask!!)
I usually make them a grilled cheese or breakfast sandwich.
9:00-Sit in my wifi spot and send a few emails
9:30 I will call Wayne on the two-way to find out which Paddock they are in. Then I will use my trusty Paddock Map to figure out where that is, and then venture out in the Ute to find them.
10:30 - I will start to make their lunch. Usually a wrap filled with meat and other crap that I throw in there. (I am perfecting my sandwich making skills) They each have a lunch box that I will, and then again I call Wayne to see where they are now.
11:00- Bring them their lunches.
11:15-5:00- hmmmmmm........*cricket cricket*. This is time for self reflection haha. If I am bored with my 1 news channel I will often venture outside. This usually lasts about 3 min, as the flies are insannnnnnnnnnnnne!!! They cover you, go in your nose, in your mouth, up your shirt, everywhere!!! I usually last a few minutes of flailing my arms around and swearing, and then its back into the donger...haha (Now you all know why I text you so often!! I need entertainment!!)
5:30 I will start to prepare dinner. Rebekah usually helps me make a meal schedule for the week (which is a-ma-zing) so I will follow that and get my Martha Stewart cooking skills going.
I am actually getting better at cooking. I haven't burned anything yet! WINNING!!
Mark usually comes home around 7 or so. I feed him first and then make Wayne a plate for when he gets back, He stays late driving the header, so I never really know what time he will be back.
8:30 (are you ready for this?) Head out, run to turn off the generator, and then to my camper trailer. Sometimes if I am lucky I will get 1 bar of wifi from the corner of the camper so I can send a text or two. If I am lucky.
Anyways, I am making it sound bad. Its really not. Some days are a challenge, but I am really good at being alone. I remember a time when I was afraid to be alone. I always had to be with someone. I think its good to have that alone time, and really reflect. Sometime I reflect on ways that I can keep the flies off...but that doesn't work. hehe. DAMN FLIES!!
Anyways, we are shifting back to the other farm hopefully Saturday :) The kitties are there.and I have wifi and TV!! AND A BATHROOM DOOR!! Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!
Happy Thursday everyone at home :) Today will be a GREAT day! :)
xo
Tuesday, November 4, 2014
“Good Morning...today you are going to drive THIS!....
“Uhhhhhhhhh.....”
“Ummmmmm....”
“Really?...”
“Are you FOR REAL for real??”
Yes.
This morning Wayne woke me up and said
“Em, today is one of those mornings that we need you to help us
shift the gear”. I knew when I got there that they were going to
teach me to drive various things around the farm, so that I can
assist them during harvest. I was totally prepared to drive the
Ute...”well actually that one was thrown on me..but I am pretty
much a pro now :) quad, a tractor...but I did NOT think that I would
be driving the Ute puling this MASSIVE EXPENSIVE PEICE OF FARM
EQUIPMENT! Haha. It's called and ogger and its what they use to take
the wheat out of the trucks. Seriously..it's about 40 feet long and
hangs out about 10 feet on each side. I honestly thought it was a
fucking joke...this thing was huggggeee (that's what she
said...literally...it's what I said)
Wayne gave me a rundown on all of the
things that I needed to do;
“Ok, so the main thing is when you are turning. If you are turning Right you need to go far left and THEN turn right..so that the wheels don't go off the road”.
Anyways Wayne is a really good at
explaining things. He went over all the things I needed to know, and
we did a test run around the yard. I also have a 2-way radio in the
Ute, so if anything went wrong I could contact him right away, This
made me feel much better...well kinda.
To be honest this was a lot like driving the manual Ute for the first time. I didn't panic. I didn't freak out (out loud..just a wee bit in my head). I tried not to really think about it. If Wayne trusted me and thought I could do this, then I can do this.
He was following me in a tractor pulling a wheat bin. I am not kidding when I say we drove 30kms the whole way, and it took us 2.5 hours to get there. Haha. Every time a turn came up Wayne would call me on the 2-way and tell me which way we were turning. Once we got there I felt a sense of accomplishment! As if I drove that thing! Haha. I was pretty proud of myself that I did that.
Another lesson learned, Most times I probably would have said “oh, no way I can't do that” before I even gave myself a chance. I was given all the tools to do it, and I knew that if there was an issue I could just call Wayne, so that made me feel comfortable. Moral of the story..just say Yes.
When you are dying of thirst at 3:00 in the morning....sleeping outside.......in the outback........
So I am already not a huge fan of the
dark. I mean, I am not totally scared of it, but I would prefer not
to have to walk out into the pitch black..ever. So one of the nights
I had a few beers with the guys after dinner and then went
“home”..aka walked over to my tent trailor that I am sleeping in.
My job is to turn the generator off before I go to bed, as it is on
the way to where I am sleeping. That alone I find hard to do, and
takes two flashlights and a lot of inner chatting to myself “you
can do this, there aren't any snakes in that huge pile of boxes, a
hugs spider is not going to drop down on your head, a kangaroo is not
going to come out and punch you because you are on your period”...yes
these things all run through my head on the 15 second walk to the
generator. Then once I have turned it off I run faster than I ever
have in my life back to the tent, unzip it as fast as I possibly can,
and then jump into bed. I then try to think of a funny movie in my
head, and not all of the scary movies I have seen about creepy people
killing people in the middle of no-where....
Well this night I did my usual routine and fell right asleep. Then I started having all of these vivid dreams about how thirsty I was. Finding a huge glass of water and chugging it. Finally I woke up wth the driest mouth ever!! I needed water! The thought of even having to go outside for a pee made me shit my pants (#nevertrustafart)so thinking that I would either have to walk about 50 steps to the right to the Ute where I knew there was a bottle of water, or walking about 50 steps to the left to the rain water basin- that was VERY close to the treeline..aka nature...aka more places for poisonous things to hide and then jump out and get me....
I tried to go back to sleep but I was at that point where all I could think about was water and I knew that I wouldn't be able to get back to sleep I was so thirsty. I thought about my options, trying to think about which one was less terrifying. I opted to go to the Ute...less change of scary bush animals.
I put on my headlamp and turned on my flashlight. Oh god...this is ridiculous. I started to think about what I would do if I saw a snake. Do I just stand still? I surely can't out run it...do I throw my flash light at it?Pee on it? Oh jesus...Emily stop thinking about snakes!! (to be fair I have seen about 4 King Brown Snakes which are HUGGGGGE and VERY POISONOUS!!!)
I could honestly hear myself breathing. “Emily, stop breathing so loud! Jesus, you are going to wake up the dog, who will bark, and then wake up the family.” Then I was holding my breath....”Emily..breathe fuck..you're gonna pas out, and then the spiders will smell you and come and eat your body!!!”
It is quite scary when there are so
many things around that you know CAN kill you. Haha.
Anyways, I finally got to the Ute, got the water, and ran so fucking fast I almost tripped over my giant size 11 feet (ok, but I AM proportioned...thank you )
Fear is one of those things that can stop you, parilyze you, hold you back, and make you realllly thirsty. Haha. When i got back to the tent trailor I thought about it. Hey...if I can do THAT, then I can do anything :)
Tonight I brought a giant bottle of
water to bed......
P.S My first night in the tent I
thought about what I could bring in to pee in, so I didn't have to go
outside. But from experience I can be a messy outdoor pee-er (is that
a word?) and I didn't think that Wayne and Rebekah would appreciate
me urinating all over their brand new tent. (you think urine would
repel insects?? (that's an inside thought that just came out...haha.
You're welcome)
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